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i want to go home

next person to say "guilt trip" gets poked in the eye.

what IS a guilt trip?  i thought it was when people say things they don't mean to make you feel badly about yourself so you'll do what they want.

so if you're hurt and you want people to know so they'll stop, how do you tell them without it being labled as a guilt trip?

or is it just that people can't handle the thought that they've done something wrong, so they decide they didn't and it's all you?  is it me?

you people make me tired...

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
itshardtosay
Nov. 14th, 2005 03:16 pm (UTC)
your definition of 'guilt trip' is correct but a lot of people manipulate situations like that because of their fear of admitting they're wrong. it's not right, but it happens. in abundance.

don't lose your mind. in the long run it won't be worth it. cork it in, wait for me.
pertinacious
Nov. 14th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
corking and waiting...
llamaturgy
Nov. 14th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
A guilt trip is, as you say, forcing someone to feel guilty to manipulate them in some way. To me, it implies an ulterior motive.

If they've hurt you and you want them to stop? That doesn't seem so "ulterior" to me, so that would make asking them to stop not a guilt trip, in my book. There might be more to it, but I guess it also depends on how you ask. "Why do you hate me so much? How come you always ruin my life? You were my last friend and now the whole world is against me!" is vastly different from, "Dude, what you just said hurt. If you can't rephrase it, I'd like to never talk about it again."

Obviously I'm making things up here for sake of an example, but one of those is a guilt trip, and one of those is setting boundaries. I've been on both sides of the "setting boundaries" conversation with both family and friends, and there are definitely initial hard feelings, but I've yet to not have it come out better in the end*.

* For the record, I did have a friendship go on a 2 year hiatus, but given the stress at the time... that was "better in the end." We've recovered nicely, though.
pertinacious
Nov. 14th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC)
when i say what's on my mind, i'm "too honest" and an asshole. when i say my feeling have been hurt, i'm "guilt tripping". now i remember why i hated everyone. why did i want to stop? oh yeah, to make friends... *rolls eyes*

there's a much longer reply for this, but i'm at work... we should meet up one day and compare notes on being insensitive cretins.
llamaturgy
Nov. 14th, 2005 06:03 pm (UTC)
Hehe... yeah, the "too honest/asshole" thing is what I meant by "initial hard feelings." Keep on as you are =)

Keep in mind, I was only offering input on what helps me sleep better at night. Through my method, I either A) fix the issue, or B) have no feelings of remorse if I lose the friendship in question, since I made and effort and it was spurned.
cupsley
Nov. 14th, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC)
I disagree with everyone.....you are definately losing your mind....what's left anyway. ;P
pertinacious
Nov. 14th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
i think i agree with you :P
llamaturgy
Nov. 14th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC)
Does it have to be mutually exclusive? :P
hisoka187
Nov. 15th, 2005 12:33 am (UTC)
I'm going to pistolwhip the next person to say "Shenanigans"
burning_purple
Nov. 15th, 2005 12:54 am (UTC)
"Hey Farva . . ."
binarysynth
Nov. 15th, 2005 01:26 pm (UTC)
Hey, any chance (totally unrelated) that you still need/want a cd rack or two?
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )